Healing Family Patterns


Healing Family Patterns

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All families pass along traditions. Some traditions promote success, encourage love, and serve and heal those who choose to participate. Some family traditions come without any good. Others can be both negative and positive. Is there a way to eliminate the negative and keep the positive? Absolutely. In fact, teaching readers to do so is the goal of Healing Your Family History. 

Why should you take the time to identify your family's beliefs or traditions? The reason is twofold: (1) Doing so will help you better understand and love others and yourself; and (2) it will help you clearly focus your energy on achieving your goals. 

Most limiting traditions are not consciously communicated. They are learned by example through non-purposeful teaching. People who love and honor their ancestors often struggle to look objectively at their family's history. Loving children and grandchildren often fear that doing so will uncover something negative about their relatives, and thus degrade their good families. But discovering limiting patterns in your own family's history doesn't mean you're opening a can of worms or looking for something to criticize. It means you're willing to look at a possibly faulty process and improve it.

Letting go of the false traditions of our forefathers is counsel that has been handed down for thousands of years. In the Old Testament, Ezekiel 20:18 admonishes us: "Walk ye not in the statutes of your fathers, neither observe their judgments." Jeremiah 16:19 states: "Surely our fathers have inherited lies, vanity, and things wherein there is no profit." Letting go of limiting family traditions is a process worthy of undertaking.

Because many of the traditions that hold us back are passed down silently and indirectly--usually based on assumptions--they can be more difficult to define than purposefully communicated traditions. For this reason, identifying family patterns may be challenging, particularly if you are fully engaged in them. But with training, you can become very good at identifying them. The three keys to doing so are (1) willingness to discover the truth, (2) having honest intentions, and (3) possessing the ability to listen receptively.

For this week's Personal Development, take a look at your goals and ask yourself if a limited family pattern is keeping you from getting what you want most, or preventing you from loving yourself and others. If so, begin investigating with the intention of healing the pattern.

To open your eyes to your family's underlying messages, you must listen to your own thoughts, silently ponder family discussions, and pay close attention to your own conversations with other family members. Try to notice what behaviors family members value or judge. You can learn a lot by simply identifying your family's priorities. For instance, if your family values education you might realize that your personal worthiness is attached to your level of education. If your family values wealth, you might realize that your self-esteem is dependent upon your income.

Remember, the traditions we are most interested in discovering are the ones that prevent us from loving others and ourselves. All limiting family beliefs affect individual self-esteem. This is vital information, because a lack of self-love is the core of all dysfunction, including food, sex, and alcohol addictions; abuse; religious frustration and/or anger; and emotional detachment.

When your family sends you messages that are roadblocks to your goals, you may become conflicted: Part of you wants one thing and part of you wants another. Since our families typically provide a powerful sense of stability, and supply us with much of the love we feel we need to survive, breaking the unspoken family law may seem scary. For this reason, many people feel stuck. We want and need to be accepted as part of the family, even if its traditions make us miserable.Screen Shot 2017-06-07 at 3.25.59 PM.png

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As you work to transform your limited family patterns, refer to the five step process in Healing Your Family History for support.



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